There were days when I didn’t want to be here anymore—not because I wanted to die, but because I didn’t know how to keep living like that. The pain, the exhaustion, the constant voice in my head that told me I was a burden. I looked fine on the outside, which made it even harder. No one knew. I felt ashamed. Isolated. Stuck in a loop I couldn’t see a way out of.
I didn’t call it suicidal ideation at first. I called it “feeling done” or “wanting to disappear.” But in therapy, I learned to stop sugarcoating it. I was having suicidal thoughts. And that didn’t mean I was broken—it meant I was overwhelmed and needed help.
My therapist gave me what I didn’t know I needed: safety, without panic. Space, without pressure. Someone who didn’t flinch when I said the hard things. They helped me explore why I felt like giving up—not just how to survive the moment, but what was underneath it.
Therapy became a place to feel seen. We didn’t just focus on “fixing it” or checking off a safety plan—we focused on building a life that didn’t feel like a trap. We talked about shame, trauma, exhaustion, hopelessness, and the part of me that still wanted to keep going, even if it was buried.
One of the most powerful shifts for me was realizing that I didn’t have to earn support by hitting rock bottom. I could ask for help when things were starting to feel heavy—not just when I was in crisis.
I still have hard days. But now, I have tools. I have language. I have a support system. I know how to pause, how to ask for help, how to recognize the signs before they pull me under.
If you’re living with suicidal thoughts, I want you to hear this: you are not weak. You are not broken. You are not alone. Therapy gave me hope when I didn’t have any left. And I’m so glad I stayed.
From the Therapist:
If you're feeling unsafe or overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, please know: you do not have to go through this alone.
Here are a few immediate steps you can take:
-
Reach out to a crisis line:
Call or text 988 (U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) — available 24/7, free, and confidential.
If you're outside the U.S., find resources here. -
Tell someone you trust:
Whether it’s a friend, family member, partner, or coworker—let someone know you’re struggling. You don’t have to explain everything. Just saying “I’m not okay” is enough. -
Make your environment safer:
If you’re overwhelmed, take small steps—move to a different room, get outside, or ask someone to be with you physically or virtually. -
Ground yourself in the moment:
Try cold water on your hands, a deep breathing exercise, or naming 5 things you can see/hear/touch. These won’t fix everything—but they can help get you through the next few minutes. -
Know that help exists:
Therapy, support groups, and crisis services exist because you're not the only one who’s felt this way. There is hope. There is help. Please reach out. - Immediate danger: Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
You matter. And staying is worth it, even when it feels impossible.
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