Get Rid of “Should”: Why That One Word Keeps You Stuck

There’s a tiny word that creates enormous pressure.

It creeps into your self-talk, hijacks your goals, and whispers lies about who you’re supposed to be.

That word is:

“Should.”

• “I should be farther along by now.”

• “I should feel grateful.”

• “I should lose weight.”

• “I should be over it already.”

• “I should want what they want.”

Sound familiar?

Let’s talk about why “should” is more harmful than helpful, and how to start replacing it with something more honest and healing.

 

The Problem With “Should”

“Should” usually sounds like discipline or responsibility. But more often than not, it’s just a shame delivery system.

It’s the voice of:

• Old conditioning

• Internalized expectations

• People-pleasing

• Perfectionism

• Fear of failure

 

“Should” implies that you’re not doing enough, or worse—that you’re not enough.

It doesn’t invite growth.

It demands guilt.

 

What “Should” Really Means

When you say “should,” ask yourself:

Who told me that?

Because usually, “should” is a reflection of:

• Someone else’s timeline

• Someone else’s value system

• An outdated version of yourself

• A culture that profits off your insecurity

“Should” sounds like you’re in control. But in reality, you’re just following a script you didn’t write.

 

Examples of How “Should” Shows Up

• “I should forgive them.” → Even though I’m still hurting.

• “I should be happy.” → Even though something feels off.

• “I should push through.” → Even though I’m clearly burnt out.

Now ask:

What happens if I replace “should” with “want,” “need,” or “choose”?

 

Try This Instead

Here’s how to reframe “should” into something empowering:

Reframing your “should” statements can shift you from guilt-driven action to intentional choice.

 

For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I should call them,” try saying, “I want to call them when I have the energy.”

Instead of “I should work out,” try, “I’m choosing to move my body because it helps my mood.”

If you feel like “I should be farther along,” reframe it as, “I’m making progress at my own pace.”

And when you feel pressure like “I should say yes,” give yourself permission to say, “I’m allowed to say no without guilt.”

 

Each shift takes you out of obligation and brings you back to your own voice—one grounded in awareness, not anxiety.

 

This Is Not Laziness—It’s Liberation

Letting go of “should” doesn’t mean you give up on goals or responsibility.

It means:

• You stop running on autopilot

• You reconnect to your values

• You reclaim your voice and boundaries

• You make choices that feel aligned—not forced

 

A Practice: Notice & Replace

For the next 24 hours, notice every time you think or say the word “should.”

Then pause and ask:

1. Who says I should?

2. Do I actually want to?

3. What would feel true right now?

This one small shift can free up mental space, reduce guilt, and build trust in your own voice.

 

Final Thought

“Should” keeps you stuck in who you were told to be.

Honesty moves you toward who you’re meant to be.

So next time your inner critic pipes up with a “should,” try responding with:

“I don’t do ‘shoulds’ anymore. I do what’s true.”