My Experience with Therapy: Living with a Child Who Self-Harms

When I first found out my daughter was self-harming, I felt a storm of emotions—shock, fear, confusion, and helplessness. I wanted to protect her, to make the pain go away, but I didn’t know how. Watching her struggle with something so painful and private was heartbreaking.

At first, I didn’t know where to turn. I felt overwhelmed and alone. I worried about saying the wrong thing or pushing her further away. I also resisted some of the approaches my therapist suggested—especially harm reduction. It was hard to accept the idea that the goal wasn’t always immediate stopping of self-harm, but rather reducing the risk and helping her develop safer ways to cope. I thought, “Shouldn’t we just stop it now?” But therapy helped me understand that rushing or pushing too hard could backfire and damage trust.

Therapy became a space where I could process my feelings and learn how to support my daughter without judgment or fear. My therapist helped me understand that self-harm is often a way to cope with deep emotional pain and not a sign of failure as a parent.

Through therapy, I learned the importance of listening with compassion, being patient, and creating a safe environment where my daughter felt seen and understood. I also gained tools to manage my own anxiety and guilt, which helped me show up more fully for her.

It’s not an easy journey. There were setbacks and moments when I felt powerless. But therapy gave me hope and strategies to help my daughter heal and to take care of myself along the way.

If you’re living with a loved one who self-harms, know that you’re not alone. Seeking support—both for them and for yourself—can make a world of difference.