For a long time, I didn’t think I had depression. I was functioning—going to work every day, paying bills, taking care of my family. On the outside, everything looked fine. But inside, I felt like I was moving through life in a fog. Simple things felt exhausting, joy was fleeting, and I often found myself just going through the motions without really living.
I remember mornings when getting out of bed felt like climbing a mountain, but I still made it to work on time. Or days when I’d sit on the couch, scrolling through my phone, feeling completely numb and disconnected. I thought maybe this was just stress or being tired. It wasn’t until a close friend gently suggested I talk to someone that I even considered therapy.
Starting therapy was scary. I wasn’t sure if talking about it would help or if anyone could really understand. But my therapist created a space where I felt safe to open up. One of the first things she helped me see was that what I was experiencing was real depression, even if I was “functioning.” We called it functional depression.
One of the hardest parts was realizing how my depression was affecting my kids. I tried to hide it, but my low energy, mood swings, and emotional distance didn’t go unnoticed. There were times when I wasn’t able to fully engage with them—missing school events or being too drained to play. I worried they felt confused or even blamed themselves. Therapy helped me understand that my mental health mattered—not just for me, but for them too. Getting help was part of being the parent they needed.
Therapy gave me tools to handle the daily fog. For example, we worked on setting tiny goals—like making my bed each morning or going for a short walk—even on days when I felt overwhelmed. It wasn’t about big leaps; it was about small wins. Another game changer was learning to catch my negative thoughts, like when I’d think, “I’m lazy” or “I’m not good enough,” and challenge those beliefs instead.
There were tough days when I felt like nothing was changing, but over time, I started to notice moments of light breaking through. Like when I felt genuine laughter during a movie or when I actually looked forward to meeting a friend for coffee.
Therapy helped me realize I didn’t have to be “fixed” to live a meaningful life. It’s okay to have ups and downs. I’m learning to live with functional depression, not be controlled by it.
If you’re living with something similar—managing but struggling inside—you’re not alone. Therapy can help you find your way back to yourself, one small step at a time.
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