Let me set the scene:
I lovingly ask my teenager how school was.
They stare at me like I’ve just insulted their entire existence and respond with, “Why are you always in my business?”
Cool, cool, cool.
At what point did my cuddly, sweet, snack-obsessed child morph into a moody, sarcasm-fueled roommate who uses my Wi-Fi and acts like I’m ruining their life by breathing near them?
If you’ve asked yourself, “Why is my teen so mean?”—pull up a chair, Mama. You are not alone.
1. Apparently, I’m Always Wrong Now
Want to feel completely incompetent?
Raise a teenager.
I could be reading the weather report straight from a government satellite and my teen would still say, “That’s not what it says on TikTok.”
You see, teens don’t mean to act like you’re the most annoying human alive—it’s just that they’re in a weird stage of becoming their own person, and unfortunately, that involves pretending you don’t know anything… even though you kept them alive for over a decade.
2. Their Brain Is Basically a Construction Zone
I read somewhere (in an actual science article, not just Instagram) that the teen brain is under heavy renovation. The logical part—the prefrontal cortex—is still under construction. But the emotional part? Oh, that’s fully loaded and ready to explode at the sound of “Can you take the trash out?”
So when they say something like, “You ruin everything,” over asking them to eat dinner with the family, know that it’s not personal.
Okay, maybe it feels personal. But science says it’s not.
3. Hormones. Enough Said.
Remember pregnancy hormones? Multiply that by teenage angst, sprinkle in some self-doubt, and top it off with acne and algebra homework. That’s your teen’s emotional smoothie.
Sometimes their rudeness is just them trying to manage all of that chaos… with zero emotional tools and a phone that thinks it is a therapist.
4. You’re the Safe Place (Unfortunately)
Here’s the kicker: they act mean to you because they feel safe with you.
Yep. You get the eye rolls, attitude, and door slams because deep down, they trust that you’ll still love them—even when they’re acting like a tiny tyrant with a Wi-Fi addiction.
Kind of a backhanded compliment, right?
5. You’re Not a Bad Mom—You’re a Good One With a Grumpy Teen
The mean comments, the dramatic exits, the “you don’t understand me” speeches—it’s not a sign of bad parenting. It’s a sign your kid is doing the messy work of growing up… and maybe needs a nap and a granola bar.
Also? You might need a nap and a granola bar, too.
So, What Do You Do?
You breathe.
You laugh (so you don’t cry).
You set boundaries like, “You can be upset, but you can’t yell at me.”
You walk away when it gets too heated.
And later, when they’re less Hulk and more human, you reconnect.
And maybe, just maybe, you pour yourself a glass of wine and text your mom to say, “Sorry for what I put you through in high school.”
What Can You Do (Besides Hide in the Bathroom)?
• Hold the boundary, not the grudge.
“You don’t have to like my decision, but you do have to speak to me with respect.”
• Give space, but stay close.
Be available for connection, even after conflict. Especially after conflict.
• Model what you want.
If you want calm, lead with calm. (After your third cup of coffee, of course.)
• Know when to get help.
Therapy isn’t just for teens in crisis. It’s for families who want to understand each other better—and yell a little less.
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Mama, It’s Okay to Seek Support
If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, crying in the laundry room, or doubting yourself—please know this:
You don’t have to do this alone.
Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or a friend who won’t judge you for texting “IS IT BOARDING SCHOOL TIME YET?”—reaching out is a strength, not a failure.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say as a mom is:
“I love them… and I need help figuring this out.”
Final Thoughts From One Tired, Loving, Emotionally-Battered Mom to Another
You’re doing great.
Your teen doesn’t hate you.
They’re just riding the emotional rollercoaster of adolescence—and lucky you, you’re in the front row.
Hold on. Love hard. Laugh often. And never forget where you hid the good chocolate.
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