Forgiveness: What It Is And What It Isn't

Forgiveness is a powerful word.

 

But for many people—especially those healing from betrayal, abuse, or deep emotional hurt—it’s also a loaded one.

 

You might hear:

• “You need to forgive to move on.”

• “You’ll never heal if you hold onto resentment.”

• “Just let it go.”

And while those phrases are often said with good intentions, they can feel more like pressure than freedom—especially when you’re still nursing wounds that haven’t fully healed.

So let’s talk about it honestly:

 

What forgiveness is… and what it absolutely isn’t.

 

What Forgiveness Is

1. A Personal Choice

Forgiveness is something you choose—if and when you’re ready.

It can’t be forced. It can’t be rushed. And it can’t be done to make someone else feel better.

True forgiveness starts with you, for your own peace—not for their comfort.

2. An Internal Process

Forgiveness doesn’t always involve the other person.

You don’t need a conversation, apology, or reconciliation for it to be real.

Sometimes, forgiveness is simply the act of deciding, “I won’t let this pain control me anymore.”

3. A Step Toward Emotional Freedom

Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s about choosing to stop carrying the weight of what someone else did.

You don’t forgive to minimize the harm. You forgive so it doesn’t harden you.

 

What Forgiveness Isn’t

1. It’s Not Forgetting

Forgiveness doesn’t require you to erase the past.

You’re allowed to remember what happened. You’re allowed to protect yourself moving forward.

“Forgive and forget” is a myth—especially when your nervous system still remembers what your mind tries to bury.

2. It’s Not Excusing the Behavior

You can forgive someone and still hold them accountable.

You can forgive and still choose to walk away.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt you. It means you’re no longer giving their choices power over your healing.

3. It’s Not Reconciliation

Reconciliation is mutual. Forgiveness is personal.

Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean they get access to your life again.

Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is forgive from a distance.

 

Forgiveness Is a Complex, Courageous Act

Especially if you’ve been deeply hurt, forgiveness may feel impossible at first—and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re bitter. It means you’re still healing.

You don’t owe anyone forgiveness. But you do deserve peace.

And if forgiveness helps you find that peace, then let it be a gift you give yourself, not something others demand from you.

You can forgive and still be angry.

You can forgive and still set boundaries.

You can forgive and still never speak to them again.

And if you’re not ready to forgive? That’s okay too. Healing is not a race.

You’re allowed to take your time.